Re-storying is a powerful tool for taking a fresh look at your life, and more importantly yourself as the lead actor in it.  From this new perspective you have the opportunity to re-write your story as one of strengths, success and compassion. Re-storying can change your life. This article provides some insight and tools about the re-storying  process.

Have you ever noticed how creative people such as writers and directors can create vastly different  stories about the same historical events. Emphasising  different characters and different perspectives can create very different stories. Examples are books written from the perspective of people on different sides of a major war. This isn’t about disputing external fact about these events. It is more about how it was perceived and experienced by different people. From a psychological  perspective, it is what meaning they gave to it.

A previous article discussed the benefit of knowing our story.  Our stories, or narrative identity,  are purposeful and adaptive. Designed to make sense of the world and to support our survival. The character profiles about ourselves  which are embedded in the story affect the decisions and choices we make in the present.   We often see the future as an extension of the past and can make assumptions about how things will play out on this basis. In this way we keep the storyline and characters consistent. This can be a protective strategy, but in some cases a limiting one.

Re-storying is therefore about being able to look at these significant events through a different lens. Imagine you are a new director who is looking at your story. With this fresh perspective you can write a story of success, and strengths, and compassion. In reviewing events in your life and your responses to it, you can find these qualities in the lead actor, yourself. These qualities are then available in the  current and future parts of your life.

Re-storying tips

Review what your real choices were and consider your strengths in responding

Sometimes in creating your story you can underestimate the impact of external factors and overestimate your choices. In re-storying you can correct this. If your story carries guilt or blame based on a belief you chose not to take a better option, in re-storying you can review and possibly re-evaluate your role.  Qualities such as survival can be found where previously we looked at ourself as a victim. Re-storying is another way to find strengths that were hidden from view by the old story. These strengths are then available in future chapters of our story.

Assume you did your best under the circumstances

The nature of the human condition is that we continuously adapt to external circumstances in a ways that we believe  will achieve the best outcome. In re-writing your story you can consider what you understood of the situation, what choices you had, what resource were available to you, both internal and external; and based on this what action you took.  Sometimes your internal resources are limited due to what was modelled and what you experienced in early life. When you look at historical events in your life from this perspective you can gain empathy for yourself. You can also arrive at a less critical assessment of your behaviour.

Avoid generalising past responses / behaviour

We can attribute generalised qualities about our self based on specific events. In re-storying you  can see a situation as a one off event where you acted in a particular way, possibly in response to unique external  factors. Maybe you considered yourself as a selfish person based on this particular event, but in reviewing it discover this is not a theme. In fact, it  was a reasonable response to the situation

In finishing

Re-storying is about taking a  view of a your life with the intent of finding the gold in the lead actor. This allows us to find our strengths and to offer ourselves compassion. Equally important it allows for greater possibilities in the chapters of our life that are still to be lived and written.  Re-storying can change your life.