Christmas is getting closer and it is a season of extremes. Extreme consumption, extreme acts of kindness and generosity, and extreme emotions. Whilst I hope that each of you enjoy some moments of extreme happiness and joy, this article will help you in dealing with the other side of the emotional spectrum and knowing how to survive Christmas psychologically.

How to survive Christmas Psychologically

Christmas can be a wonderful time of year full of gratitude, love and connection. For those with a Christian faith it also has a deep spiritual meaning.

As a therapist I also see the other side of it. Unrealistic expectations and the need to re-engage with toxic people and relationships can result in an increase in psychological symptoms. It can even be the cause of deep distress and trauma for some. Problematic thoughts of self, and unhelpful cognitive biases can easily trigger strong emotions.

In this article I will explore what I have found are some of the more problematic themes and some ideas on how to offset their impact

Theme 1 – Everyone is happy at Christmas

As part of preparing us for unrestricted purchasing, media and retail outlets change their themes of music and images to one of happiness. Creating a picture that associates Christmas with happiness.

This is very manipulative and an impossible standard to live up to. Life continues over this period with its normal ups and downs. If you find yourself feeling distressed by your perceived inability to live up to this standard then practice self-care. Techniques such as mindfulness help to disconnect from this unrealistic thought. Physical exercise and participating in activities that do make you feel good are also recommended,

Theme 2 – There is a direct correlation between the gifts you give and receive and your connection and relationship with people

The basis of this strategy is as per point one. Retail outlets are desperate to increase sales in this period and hence the idea of unrestricted and often unsound levels of purchase is encouraged.

For many families the impact of this strategy is felt through the rest of the year in increased debt and an inability to cover normal family expenses. Often the internal cause of connecting with this thought are our own insecurities. It we are able to have an internal sense of self-esteem then we are less likely to engage with this theme. Reflecting on what we offer as a person to the people around us, and how we are valued can be a way of reducing this anxiety.

Theme 3 – Family means love

There is a lot of imagery of the family Christmas get together and everyone getting on. That this getting together also represents the epitome of love. It suggests that anything less than this is not in the ‘Christmas spirit’.

My experience as a psychologist is that Christmas does not cure previously toxic or abusive relationships. The best strategy here is self-protection. Only engage with people to the extent it is safe to do so. For people who do not respect your boundaries try to minimse contact. If you choose to engage then do so to the degree you are comfortable. Sometimes using the imagery of having an internal vulnerable child and you being the parents who decides what is safe for it, is useful. For family members where there has been historical abuse, of any kind, it is your right to avoid contact.

Theme 4 – You should be kind and love everyone in the “spirit” of Christmas

Anther key message is that we should be kind and show love to others. This is one of the few message that has a more deeper basis, particularly for those whose meaning of Christmas is faith based.

This message can be very confusing as it does encourage moments of generosity and compassion which can be beneficial to everyone. Like with the previous themes become aware and know your limits. If you feel it is causing you distress and putting you in harms way emotionally, than this is your bodies way of saying stop, and listen to it. Find another way that can achieve the same benefits but without harm to yourself.

Before finishing I would agree that an increased capacity to show compassion and kindness is not a bad thing. I would like to note that it can be a time to reflect and to make positive changes in your relationships and outlook. But only if it isn’t done to the detriment of your emotional safety and mental health.

In finishing

My angle on Christmas is that it is a more emotionally intense time and the themes above reflect this. I hope that some of the strategies above might be useful to you. A heightened focus on self-care is appropriate as a way of reducing any distress associated with this time. As always, if you find yourself not coping, seeking outside support is important. Whether this be your support network or engaging with a mental health professional.

Take care and if you know others who are vulnerable at this time of year, please share this article.

Scott

PS Comments or feedback are greatly appreciated. At the bottom of the article below, on FB, or via e-mail scott@mindboosts.com