Are you struggling to make a significant behaviour change? Have you wondered why an important person in your life has been unable to change  a clearly destructive behaviour? This article will provide you with some behaviour change tips. These include a perspective on why behaviour change can be difficult, and some ideas that might make change easier.

Some theory

Early psychological approaches for assisting people to change very destructive behaviours, such as addictions, were based on the idea that if people could see the consequences of their behaviour, then changing them would be straight forward. This worked for some people, but not all. As addiction become more of an issue for the individuals  themselves, and society in general, then an even greater emphasis was placed on the importance of behaviour change. A body of psychology  concerned with behaviour change was spawned and continues to grow. Theories of behaviour  change continue to get more complex as we attempt to account for why some people change their behaviour and some don’t. Some of these are multi-stage, some are multi-component, and some  both.

My perspective

With apologies to these researchers in terms of my simplification, I believe there are 3 main elements to behaviour change:  ‘should I’, ‘could I’ and ‘will  I’.

‘Should I’ talks to is the behaviour truly not working. The term bottom-line is used in this context to mean at what point is it at which I feel I must change. It varies significantly from person to person. We are often not aware of the pervasiveness of a behaviour as we have gradually increased it over time. An alcoholic drinking 12 drinks a day doesn’t feel this is a lot as the progression to this level of drinking has increased gradually,  possibly over a number of years, to this level of drinking.

‘Could I’ is multi-faceted. ‘Could I’  get what I get from this behaviour by doing something else. A key element in addiction is that in most situations  they are serving a purpose. Maybe it is numbing a lot of pain. How will the pain be numbed when I stop? If I stop the behaviour will I get the benefits that it is suggested I should. For example, will I start feeling better if I give up something. Do I know someone who has ? The ‘could I’ talks to will I be successful. For example, before starting an exercise program I might consider if it is possible that I could go to the gym once a week. If I’m thinking this won’t happen then I won’t even start.

The ‘will I’ is do I have a workable plan that has realistic expectations, is achievable and allows for contingencies such as relapse. In my enthusiasm to turn over a new leaf, am I expecting to exercise 3 hours a day when my time commitments suggest that even 30 minutes would be a stretch. Will missing a day be seen as a complete failure, or an expected part of progress to the end goal. The answers to questions such as these will determine the success of the execution of the plan and will be a determinant in sustaining the change.

Some Behaviour Change Tips

Look at these three aspects; Should I, Could I and Will I.  If you have a convincing argument for each of these, then you have a much greater change of being successful in the change. If not, then revisit that particular aspect and develop a stronger case for the change. Or modify the proposed change to something more realistic.

In conclusion…

In looking at these factors I hope you can now understand why many people don’t stop destructive behaviour, or take up healthy behaviours. This may also help to explain any challenges or lack of success you have encountered in making changes. I often say that from an evolutionary perspective we are the only creature who can make a choice to do things that are bad for us, and not to do things that are good for us. Is this a benefit, or a curse?

If there is someone you know of in your personal network who is struggling to make important changes, please feel free to share this with them.