Many of the rules about how we are in the world are contained in our self-schema. Some of these are helpful and some are not helpful. They can even sabotage us in our relationships and stop us from achieving our goals. This article provides insight into what a self-schema is, and some tips to be able to review it. It might also provide the opportunity to redefine yourself and change your life

In our human quest for certainty there are many casualties. In my opinion, one of the most important relates to our identity. We seem to have a need to fit in and have certainty around who we are. In our keenness for doing this we create inflexible versions of who we are.  As a therapist, I notice this is happening when a client tells me “This is what I do or think”, in response to situations  where clearly that line of thinking is not working. Flexibility is useful and protective of our well-being and it is equally important to how we define ourselves.

What is a self-schema

One aspect of identity is self-schemas. The self-schema is a psychological term which refers to a long lasting and stable set of memories that describe a person’s beliefs, experiences and generalizations about the self, in specific areas of life. These areas include relationships, work, socially, study etc. A person may have a self-schema based on any aspect of himself or herself as a person, including physical characteristics, personality traits and interests, as long as they consider that aspect of their self important to their own self-definition.

Among other things, people can hold self-schemas about:

Physical characteristics (‘I’m pretty,’ ‘I’m overweight’)

Interests (‘I love sports,’ ‘I like art’)

Personality traits (‘I’m shy,’ ‘I’m friendly’,)

Behaviours (‘I’m assertive,’ ‘I avoid conflict’, I don’t like trying new things’)

All of these assessments are subjective and all could be reviewed. In this article I will expand further on the last two because they have significant impact on our thoughts, associated emotions and subsequent behavior.

Personality Traits

Personality traits are not like physical attributes such as long hair. They can only be observed in our relating to others, or in our behaviors. Whilst they are considered somewhat permanent and stable, this is only in the context of historical events. If we started behaving differently , then the trait like element would start to reduce. Whilst it is considered we are creatures of habit, at any moment we can change our habits. If we consider ourselves a shy person then we might avoid situations to talk to others that might otherwise provide us with new opportunities. Equally, we could feel the body sensations associated with the fear of talking to some new, and do it anyway.

Behaviors

Behaviors in relation to our self-schema are a bit like the confirmation cognitive bias, discussed in a previous article. When we look for a fast way to decide what to do and respond in a given situation it can have negative consequences. This relatively inflexible response restricts our ability to react and behave in a different way, which would create new possibilities. If I decide that I am someone who avoids conflict, then I will avoid situations where willing to engage in respectful conflict might take a relationship to a new level, or allow me to overcome an obstacle on the way to a desired goal. We also have the ability to have this initial thought, and then change it based on a particular situation. This change could be choosing to  engage in the required conflict because the cost of not doing so is too high.

In conclusion….

Having an identify is important to our sense of well being, and is protective of our mental health. What I am suggesting here is to become aware of what your self-schemas contain. The clue will be when you find yourself identifying  with a particular thought or behavior. Once you become aware, you can understand their origins. If you are willing to be  flexible, then you can  consider other response options that are inconsistent with your self-schema, if it is of benefit to you. .

I would love to hear examples from people who have noticed their standard response, changed it, and what has happened.